You are my sunshine
by VenusRivers
Summary: Virgil is haunted by demons and voices that he must fight not to succumb to. After Roman and Deceit go to far it becomes too much. Its better than it sounds i promise.


**A/N: I'm writing this fic for a friend inspired by a prompt she gave me. It's currently 2am and writing this made me cry so she'd better be friggin grateful. As usual please rr. **

**Trigger warnings for death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, suicide, pill use, medication use, swearing, what could be interpreted as manipulation, implied self harm, torture, kidnapping, implied rape and a bunch of dark things so don't read this if you don't like that stuff. **

_You hit him. You deserve this. It's your fault you hit him and you know it, you know it's your fault but you can't accept that because your pathetic. _

_Pathetic and weak. _

_Don't try and convince us he was asking for it because deep down you know that everything happened because of you. _

_You. _

_You did this. _

_It was you. _

••

_'It was me. He's hurt and it's my fault.'_

_'_Of course it's my fault, I always have to go and mess it up don't I? Well done Virgil, and just after they accepted you as well, way to go idiot.'

'What was that Kiddo?'

_Idiot. Idiot you let him hear you. You fucked up again big surprise._

'Kiddo? You ok there pal?'

'Oh err don't worry Pat, I-I'm good just forget it.

_You know what to do. _

And he did. It was the same every time. The voices come and he escapes to his room. Generally with some sort of comment from Roman and a sympathetic glance from Patton. This time was...slightly different.

This time he really messed up. Usually he would commit to the orders of _them _alone on his room_. _Onhimself. But now, now he couldn't stop it.They were screaming at him -and heand he saw the inky shadow in the corners of his vision. This time hecouldn't block it out and he... hit Roman_. _

But it wasn't his fault. Honest.

Roman has been jeering again, nicknames becoming more harmful and personal. Comparing Virgil to Deciet was all he could take with the ever constant yelling echoing in his head.

_Pathetic. Don't try convincing yourself of that. You know who's fault it was. _

He could vaguely hear the dad side's voice but his head was buzzing and vision swimming as he backed his way to where he usually sat for videos and stumbled up the stairs with Roman's latest comment ringing in his ears.

'Forget him Pat, he's not worth it.'

_See. Even he gets it. Not worth it. _

And an echoey laugh.

••

He's the heart, of course he knows when something's wrong. But Roman is talking to the mirror again, Logan's reading that five tonne astronomy book and Deciet and The Duke were probably doing /_each other_/ things Patton would rather not think about. But Virgil...hadn't been out of his room in maybe three days, not to eat or film a video or even to join in the weekly famILY movie night.

He had to check on him. He doesn't want his dark strange sun to be hurt. Just to check, that's all.

He couldn't quite place it but something just felt really off. He felt cold and vaguely nauseous so he figured going to see the younger side would do some good, even just to give him peace of mind.

As the dad character moved to walk up the stairs he was almost knocked down by a red and white blur that streaked passed him and into the kitchen followed by the tallest side, Logan, who was dressed in the usual attire of a black shirt, jeans and a blue striped tie.

'Salutations Morality. I apologise for Roman's energy but he's got it into his head that he wanted the three of us to err, bake together.'

Surely Anxiety would be fine for a few minutes?

'Sure thing Lo! Shall we go? Gotta make sure Ro doesn't burn down the kitchen!'

An hour later there were two batches of cookies in the oven and the three personalities were flushed as they attempted to rid flour from not only themselves but the entirety of the kitchen.

'Padré? You good?'

The normally bubbly side had gone quiet, sweaty and was turning and alarmingly pasty grey.

'Hmmm? O-oh don't worry about me. As always I'm still your Happy Pappy Patton! I-I just need to check on Virgil.'

'Patton, with all due respect I think it would be beneficial to your health if you rested for a while. I assure you Anxiety is fine.'

'No Logan you don't get it. I _need _to see Virgil.

I-'

The room was spinning and as it slowly faded all he could think about was needing to find his 'son'.

'Patton! Logan what happened?'

'I do not know but I assure you he will be fine after getting some rest.'

The two sides sunk out and into Patton's room with said side being carried by Roman. They lay him on the bed and sat facing each other on a white, pillow covered sofa in the corner of the room.

'So? What happened to him?'

'Well it may be due to many things such as stress, lack of sleep, fatigue or a simple bug. We can't be certain but unless he isn't awake after a few hours we should have no cause to worry.'

'Did you say stress?'

'Well yes. Studies have shown that excessive copious of stress can amount to-'

••

But Roman had left, the door swinging shut behind him. He was a few steps down the long corridor when a smirking figure appeared beside him.

'Deciet. What do you want?'

'Must I always have a reason for showing up in this side of the imagination?'

'Yes.'

'Fine. I'm _Deciet _I always show up when someone lies. Provided it's enough to interest me.'

'But who-?'

_'I'm still your Happy Pappy Patton!'_

_'Don't worry about me.'_

'I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.'

'We'll speak of the devil and hear his wings. _So good_ to see you Virgil.'

The aforementioned side had just appeared in front of them, a troubled expression playing on the pale face.

'What happened? I heard voices. Is Patton alri-?'

'Tsk tsk tsk Virgie. Don't start acting like you care. We all know it's just a front for what you've been hiding.'

The anxious trait grew cold as the dark side slipped one arm around his waist and slunk the other over his shoulders, drawing him close and breathing warm air onto his neck. Virgil drew his hoodie further around him and attempted to protest.

'I. I don't understand. What did I do? I'm not hiding anyth-'

'Stop, right, there dr doom and gloom.'

The icy tone used by the usually flamboyant side was almost as unsettling as the way he was almost hissing the words he spat at the once dark side.

'Since you arrived you have caused nothing but pain and suffering. You have failed your one job protecting Thomas and have instead provided him with a mental disorder. Now you have gone too far. You know full well that Patton is in tune with all of our strongest emotions ,hell, he's at the core of a lot of them and if you think for one second that I will be letting you get away with this then you are very much mistaken. You are nothing but foul and worthless.'

_Worthless. _

_Unwanted. _

_A burden. _

_A nuisance. _

_A disorder. _

••

When did he get back to his room? He doesn't remember ducking out but he doesn't remember much lately anyway.

What's the point of existence if it only brings pain to the ones you love the most.

And so he lay there atop his blankets. On his back, staring at the ceiling, a hand snaking under his pillow drawing out the clear bottle containing small white pills, his view of them partially restricted by a label with a black calligraphy scrawl.

_**Anxiety Medication** _

The anxious side slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard and downed the pills while gulping down water in between.

_1 _

_2 _

_3 _

_4_

_5_

_6_

_7, 8, 9_

_Handful after handful until the once full bottle was empty and all 35 pills had been consumed. _

The world was spinning and he felt nauseous but relief.

Until, at least, the door flew open and he was looking into the fearful eyes of Patton. Fearful eyes that darted from his to the bottle on the floor and back to him. In under a second the fatherly trait was beside his bed shouting for Logan and stroking soft circles on Virgils hand with his thumb.

This, this was not what relief felt like. This was regret. Regret and guilt. He didn't want this. Not really.

The logical trait walked in calmly but quickly stopped as he surveyed the young man on the bed. Shaking, gray tinted skin that was coated in a light sheen of sweat as Morality whispered soft comforts to him. One glance at the bottle on the floor told him all he needed to know as he strode forward and placed a firm hand on Pattons shoulder.

'Patton. I will be return shortly with some first aid and do everything in my power to help. Until my return please try to have Virgil remain constant. It is vital we act quickly.'

The shorter man nodded as he bit his lip in an attempt to stifle his tears.

'I'm sorry kiddo. When I was passed out I could see what Roman and Deceit were doing. I could see and hear everything and yet couldn't do anything. I knew things were getting bad for you kiddo but I wanted to give you some space. I'm sorry.'

Patton. I don't wanna die.'

The broken whisper was barely audible.

'It's gonna be ok kiddo. I'll be right here until Lo gets back ok?Then he will fix it and it'll be fine. I promise.'

'Patton I'm scared.'

'I know kiddo. Lolo will be back in a few moments and it'll be ok. I'm not going to leave you. Ever. I'm right here ok?'

Tears were freely slipping down both males cheeks as Patton stroked his 'sons' hair and gathered the boy into his arms so that they lay together with the dad side still lovingly brushing the hair off Virgils forehead.

'Hey Dad? C-could you sing for me? I'm sorry it's just- I remember when I first came and you would sit with me through panic attacks for hours just stroking my hair and singing that one song. I never did thank you.'

'You don't need to thank me kiddo. You know, you always fell asleep in my arms at the end of the first verse. Now you can hear the song through as we wait for Logan. You'll be ok.'

The older man stared at the younger cradled in his arms. To small to be healthy and barely enough colour tinting his face. He took a calming breath and began to softly sing, making no effort to wipe away the tears that fell from his eyes.

_'You are my sunshine,_

_My only sunshine. _

_You make me happy, when skies are gray. _

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you, _

_Please don't take my sunshine away.'_

'I love you dad. Goodbye.'

Pale eyelids fluttered shut and ragged breathing stopped. Patton gathered his dark strange son to his chest which heaved with silent sobs. He's tears fell onto the cold cheeks mingling with those shed by the other earlier.

'I'm sorry son. I'm sorry I failed you.'

His voice shook with pain and grief as he leaned into the embrace that he recognised to be Logan's. Both men cried together for what seemed like hours but may have been minutes or mere seconds until a soft, gentle melody arose from the once perky dad like character.

_'The other night, as I lay sleeping _

_I dreamed I held you in my arms,_

_But when I woke dear, I was mistaken,_

_So I hung my head, and cried.'_

Then the trembling voice was joined by another and the two sat in each other's embrace as they watched the man they considered family fade to nothing.

_'You are my sunshine. _

_My only sunshine. _

_You make me happy, when skies are gray. _

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you. _

_Please don't take my sunshine away.'_

That was when they saw another in the doorway.

Another with a blank expression and glossed over eyes.

'Ro? God Ro what did you do? Are you alright? Why Ro, why?'

Questions tumbled from his mouth one after another in a mix of pain, anger and paternal instinct toward the man in the doorway but they were answered only with a blank face and a cold, dead tone.

'I'm sorry Patton. But it was for the best.'

Neither crying side noticed the man stood in the shadows with a hand in Romans shoulder, face hidden by a black hat, nor did they notice the single tear drip down the prince's cheek.

••

I'm the light half of the imagination the next six months saw a grieving father trying to accept the suicide of a son and the betrayal of a friend. Saw a man's attempts to provide comfort to his partner and a secret search for a logical explanation as to why the man who was so loyal and kind had seemingly lost emotion before disappearing for good to God knows where.

In the dark half they saw shadows on the walls and a man with a face half covered in scales grinning and he stared at the man bound to the wall by chains. Bruised and scratched and sat amongst his own blood, vomit and excrement.

He cried silent tears a sound the gag in his mouth but had long since learned it was futile to struggle against his bonds.

The man in the shadows spoke with a snake like tongue grinning widely.

'Your brother wishes to speak with you _princey.'_

He paid no mind to the wince at the painful nickname other than a slight widening of his grin.

'Although considering his behaviour I think he wants less of a conversation and more of a certain kind of..fun. He seemed quite exited, wanted me to warn you though, warn you to be the good, obedient little slut you are as you satisfy his needs. He should be on his way now. I'll be staying in the corner so as to be sure you behave and give him what he wants or it'll be my turn next. Do this right and let him have his way with you won't you? Or do you need a reminder of last time? I though as much.'

Hours later and the Prince was to be found slumped against the walls. The mixture of rancid fluids coating both himself and patches of the floor now added to and he mumbled a tune to himself as sine sort of comfort.

'_You told me once dear, you really loved me_

_And no one else could come between_

_But now you've left me, and love another_

_You have shattered all my dreams.' _

••

After yet more months of grief, pain and slow acceptance Patton aw sat on the sofa in a cat onesie and hugging a black and purple sweater to his chest as a Steven Universe marathon played on the TV.

The calm aptmosphere was inturuppted by Logan bursting into the room. Tears staining his face but an elated grin splitting his cheeks. He appeared to be waving a wad of paper.

'Logan wha-'

'Patton I may have a theory about Roman'

'Lo please I can't. Don't set us up for false hope. He's gone. He chose his path Logan.'

'Please Pat, hear me out. It's just a hunch but what if deceit was involved. The blank expression, glazed eyes, monotone speech. It makes sense. Look if we can just go to that side of the imagination we can find out and wether that results in getting Roman back or not we will have closure. Answers. Please Patton just try it with me.'

Patton knew how dangerous that could get. He also know that they could simply try summoning Ro. If he was still in the subconscious it would work. He hadn't been able to yet, fearful of disappointment. Afraid of what he would see but now, hope paired with Logan's logic he was willing to try. He voiced this theory to his boyfriend who let out a relieved sigh and nodded, a signal for Patton to try.

When he opened his eyes the Moral trait was completely unprepared for what he saw. A shaking Roman was backed against the wall looking frantically between the men he used to live with.

'Roman!'

Both sides yelled in shock and joy.

'N-No. No it's not real. It's a trap, trying to see if...but I won't...not again...not toda-...real...but if...?'

A stream of barely audible consciousness came from the man as he tripped and stutterd over his words.

Patton looked on at the scene befor his fatherly instincts took hold. He refused to lose another of his children. He slowly make his way over and sat in front of Roman. Close enough to offer comfort but far enough away to give him space.

'Roman kiddo, it's ok now. It's not a trick I promise. You're back and you're safe and we will protect you always. I know you must have endured terrible things but you can tell us about that in your own time ok kiddo? Right now I need you to breath with me yeah? 4,7,8 yes just like that. In, hold, out. Perfect. You're doing amazing kiddo.

Things continued like this for another few hours as Roman calmed down and the three began to settle.

••

Over the space of eight months trust had been regained and a sense of normalcy was apparent in the air.

Each one of them mourned the loss of a purple hair family member and thier was a persistent ache every time they passed the space of wall where a black door with purple patches would once reside but the small family tried to come to terms with it wax much as was possible.

Eventually Roman began to open up about what the dark sides did which resulted in tears from everyone.

They had movie night on Fridays where they hugged and laughed and sang along with a million Disney songs.

Family dinner was a strict requirement that none of them minded as they had seen firsthand what happened when you took loved ones for granted.

Many a night was spent with the three of them curled into each other on one bed due to frequent and persistent nightmares for each of them but overall they were as happy as they could be expected to be given the circumstances but never were they as happy as when a year after Roman returned there was no longer empty wall but now the reappearance of a black door with purple tartan patches and a familiar melody drifting from inside:

_In all my dreams dear, __You seem to leave me._

_When I awake, my poor heart pains. _

_So when you come back and make me happy_

_I'll forgive dear, I'll take all the blame. _

_You are my sunshine , __My only sunshine _

_You make me happy, when skies are gray_

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you _

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

**A/N: The end...?**

**I'm sorry lol but the ending was happy and Virgil came back so..? **


End file.
